Creative Valentine’s Day

  • Make and write cards
  • Write a poem about:
    • first meeting/date
    •  best memory
    • the future
  • See “Phantom of the Opera”
  • Ladies: meet him at the door in only a red ribbon
  • Guys: tell her how your life has changed with her in it
  • Recreate a special memory and embellish it even more

What do you do for Valentine’s Day to make it special and memorable?

Posted in Gratitude, Marriage, Miscellaneous | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Adjusting to stepfamily life occurs quickly…

Couples are optimistic when they remarry.  They want life to settle down and to get on with the business of being happy.  However, it can take a long time for people in newly blended families to get to know each other, to create positive relationships, and to develop a family history.

You may know your partner but the kids and your family don’t know them like you do.  Your ex will also have a reaction – it’s hard not to.  Even if you have lived together before getting married – things will change once you become a “step family”.

Trust me – I wish I could keep it from happening but there is no special mantra.   You just have to prepare, prepare, prepare and then work, work, work.

Do you need some assistance, or ideas?

Posted in Blended or Step Family, Divorce, Marriage, parenting, Relationships (other), starting over, Step Moms | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What ARE you Fighting About?

Do you find that you and your partner seem to fight about everything?   Maybe it’s the little things like; taking the garbage out, picking up bread from the store, answering the phone, etc.   Maybe you fight about bigger topics like; money, friends, family, sex, etc.   Whatever it is that you fight about, I’m 100% positive it is important to you.

Often when couples fight about everything, they are truly not fighting about the real bigger issue.   If ignoring the phone is the hot topic then maybe we should talk about the major underlying issue that has caused this symptom to become the focus.

In my experience with couples, I have found there is a thought, feeling, or perception that has gone unvoiced or dismissed in the relationship.  Once I uncover THIS topic we make headway in finding resolution with the smaller issues.   I do this by teaching my clients how to communicate the issue, listen to the issue, find understanding, and ultimately forgive.

Whether you feel unheard or unappreciated now, with just a few skills and practice you can resolve your issues and find an easy, peaceful home tomorrow!

What are YOU fighting about?   Let’s find out!

I placed “Fair Fighting” on my website for your review and guidance.   Do not hesitate to contact me if you need to learn or hone your ‘fighting’ skills.   The ability to articulate and receive information is far-reaching as these skills carry across all relationships:  friends, family, co-workers, and businesses.

Posted in Conflict, Divorce, Marriage | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Money

Money doesn’t change a person, it unmasks who they really are.

Think money buys happiness?   Why does having money change people?
I’m wondering how you have been affected by winning the lottery or gaining an inheritance?   How did you change?   Why?
Posted in Anxiety, Depression, Miscellaneous | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

9 Relationship Questions: Before the Big Question

You meet the person of your dreams – check. You fall in love – check. There is a proposal – check. And you live happily ever – ah, not so fast!

Love is a good start but it isn’t everything. You know you need a foundation of connection, commonality, individuality, and a sharing of goals to build a life time partnership.

Below are some topics every couple should discuss to determine compatibility that will hold your relationship together throughout the marriage.

Where to Live                Money

Chores/Pet Peeves        Children

Job/Career          Family/Relatives

Recreation/Social          Spirituality

Sex

Read the whole article which includes more on these topics and other important points to consider at www.bekindbeyou.com.

These talking points are also beneficial for couples embarking on their second or other subsequent marriage.

Premarital Counseling can help sort through all the questions.   I offer the Prepare and Enrich assessment to help couples determine their strengths and resolve their differences.   Start your relationship with piece of mind.

Posted in Blended or Step Family, Marriage, parenting, starting over, Step Moms | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cold Feet

Did you get engaged over the holidays?   Worried about accepting or proposing the offer? We will soon be facing Valentine’s Day. This brings the possibility of popping the question or saying “I do”.   Underneath all the excitement and anticipating comes – cold feet.

The idea of cold feet can either be a gut feeling or the fear of change of life-as-you-know-it.   You might want to listen to both.   If it’s a gut feeling, perhaps there is a quality or characteristic about your partner that deep down scares you about making a commitment.  Does your future beloved get angry easily? Has he/she cheated on you? Does your partner drink too much or act irresponsibly? Does your soon-to-be want kids but you don’t? These are things that are unlikely to change after the “save the date”.   You get to decide what you are willing to live with.

If you fear how your life will change after the blissful union, then maybe you aren’t quite ready. Maybe you have more growing up to do or need to live independently for a bit to better prepare you for a partnership.   Have you ever lived on your own? Are you financially responsible for yourself?  Were you previously married? Being in a partnership is a lot of responsibility. You have to commit yourself 100% to the other person… not just 50/50. Things will change as you start sharing your life with another… where and how you spend your money and time, your priorities change, cohabitation, owning a home, more bills, joint accounts, ah – monogamy?!   Sit and picture other relationships around you, what works that you would like, what doesn’t work that you should watch for, and do you have 100% to give.

Having cold feet is a symptom, not a contagious life threatening disease. It is simply something to look at and acknowledge. Proceed with caution mixed with healthy amount of confidence in your decision.

Let me know if I can help. Contact me for a premarital assessment you can both take.  It may help iron out some concerns and find resolution in your hearts

Posted in Anxiety, Blended or Step Family, Marriage, starting over | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Road Rage

It is easy to get anxious, frustrated, and angry when you are late and on your way to an important appointment.  Add to this already tense situation other drivers.  You got it, traffic.  Wouldn’t it be nice if you had a button that made all the traffic get out of your way and the lights turn green?

To my knowledge, the auto manufacturers have yet to install zapper buttons on even basic model cars. This series of events and conditions tends to lead to road rage. Road rage is defined by Merriam-Webster as: a motorist’s uncontrolled anger that is usually provoked by another motorist’s irritating act and is expressed in aggressive or violent behavior.

FACTS:

  • Road rage incidents are criminal acts of assault
  • 56% of incidents result in fatal crashes
  • 90% of road rage drivers state their aggressive driving is a very serious threat to their own safety

Most drivers claim they are in a hurry and find traffic burdensome. Many state their violations are due to lack of courtesy of others. (really?!)

Road rage is generally an issue with misplaced anger. For instance, it isn’t my fault I left on time and you didn’t – so go be mad at yourself! It is interesting however, Dr. Drew Pinsky did an experiment with an angry driver who tested normal for blood pressure and heart rate while driving erratically. The driver yelled and made obscene gestures at other vehicles while zigzagging in traffic. When questioned the driver said his behavior actually relieved the pressure he was feeling vs if he had to sit quietly in traffic.

My concern is how I feel, and how others who sent emails felt, when innocently confronted by angry drivers. Think about it, you are minding your own business, driving the speed limit (or a little over), going from point A to point B. BAM, this driver comes up on your bumper, lights flashing, horn blaring, finger in the air, while yelling at you to move out of the way. Or they get in front of you and slam on the brakes just to show you a thing or two. These actions create needless risk on the road. One angry driver impacts numerous other drivers in their commute.

If you are this person… consider how you would feel if someone acted this way to your mother, grandmother, or daughter, because that is you.   You have done this to someone you know and someone who is important to their family. 56% fatality rate is huge, can you afford for it to be you that causes that accident? We all share the road, emphasis on the word ‘share’.

Take a deep breath, leave earlier, or use alternative routes. Concentrate on being safe and courteous to others as you would have them be to you.

I posted a bonus article on my webpage “Bill of Rights for Drivers“, feel free to review it.  Let me know if you have something for me to add that will benefit others.  A big THANK YOU to those who contributed to this article!  Please do not hesitate to reach out to me  if you need help  managing your anger.

Posted in Anxiety, Conflict, Depression | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

New Year’s Resolutions

Ringing in the New Year wouldn’t be normal without assigning yourself a resolution.   Here are some tips to set yourself up to be successful where others fail.

Make resolutions:

Specific: Don’t say “I want to be happy this year” What does that mean?   How will you know when you are happy? Consider what happy is to you, like ‘set good boundaries’ or ‘not judge myself’.   Then define your boundaries or create positive mantra’s for yourself.

Measurable: Don’t say “I’m going to work out more”. Create a beginner schedule (days a week, hours, minutes, activity) with a milestone. For instance, I’m going to work out 3 days a week for one hour a day and I will be able to walk around the lake 3 times without stopping by the end of February.   Then celebrate the accomplishment.   Next step, a new schedule and milestone.   Maybe add a new healthy eating behavior.   For the next 60 days, I’m only going to have one treat a week (calorie allowance?) or no bread except on Sundays.

Flexible: Don’t say “I’m going to take up jogging everyday.”   Be flexible, do something every day but don’t force yourself to do things you don’t like.   Try jogging on Mondays, swimming on Tuesdays, etc. or do an activity for a week then switch to another activity for a week and so on.

Fun:  Enough said!

Posted in Miscellaneous | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

I know you are but what am I?

How you perceive others is like looking in the mirror.

Do you find yourself saying someone is ALWAYS negative?   Hmmm, maybe it’s time for a good self assessment.   It is easier to see in others what we cannot (refuse) to see in ourselves.

Think about it…  if this blog annoys you, give me a call and tell me all about it!

Posted in Conflict, Relationships (other) | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Relationship question…

If your relationship were a party, what would it look like?

 

Would it be an intimate dinner?

Would it be a rave?

A costume party?

What does it look like to others?

Posted in Marriage, Relationships (other) | Tagged , , | Leave a comment